The Sword and the Sorcerer

The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

You know those movies that were awesome when you were a kid, but when you watch them now you wonder how you used to be such an idiot?  This is another one.  On the one hand, it has a three-bladed sword that can fire its blades at enemies!  On the other hand…well…it has a freaking three-bladed sword that can fire its blades at enemies.

Young Talon watches in horror as the evil Cromwell kills his parents and takes his kingdom.  Years later, Talon returns leading a group of mercenaries to unseat Cromwell and win back the kingdom, free the princess, slay the evil sorcerer and accomplish every other heroic feat that has ever been featured in a cheap Conan knockoff.

The beginning of the movie (the fall of Talon’s father’s kingdom) is mentioned periodically, but has little to do with the plot at any other time. Cromwell apparently didn’t care that the true heir to the kingdom was out there being a world famous mercenary leader…until he shows up, then Cromwell turns all of his energy against him for a couple of minutes.  Likewise, Talon shows little interest in actually claiming his father’s kingdom going so far as to aid the rebellion to install some new leader whose claim to the throne is never explained.  Likewise, Cromwell raises a fell sorcerer to help him with his takeover only to then betray his most powerful pawn for no obvious reason and spend the rest of his life living in fear of his return.  Talon’s mercenary crew don’t even rate as window dressing, riding into town with him then disappearing until he needs rescuing.  Even then, they only go so far as to get themselves captured after he has already escaped.  Fortunately, the harem girls free them in time for the final battle.

The whole film is ridiculous.  Lee Horsley gets credit for having fun with the role, but that’s about the best you can say for it.  The dialogue is just as nonsensical as the story, the acting ranges from barely acceptable to atrocious, characters come and go for no rhyme or reason and even Talon’s famed (if equally ridiculous) sword only shows up in about ten minutes of the movie.

If you’re about ten years old, just finished watching “Conan the Barbarian”, “The Beastmaster” and “Dragonslayer”, this film is a nice, light way to wrap up your movie marathon.  Personally, I recommend just going down in your parents’ basement and playing some Dungeons and Dragons instead.

Stars: 2.5/5

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