Diary of a Cannibal

Diary of a Cannibal (2007)

Diary of a Cannibal (2007)

Ah, young love.  Meeting for the first time, falling in and out of love, growing to know and understand each other and finally agreeing to cut, mutilate and devour your lover’s flesh.  Based (loosely) on a true story, this is a tale of young love gone horribly wrong.  It’s also a tale of movie-making gone horribly wrong.  Twenty minutes or so of actual film is beaten, pulled and stretched into 81 painfully boring minutes as young Noelle recalls her brief affair with young and troubled Adam – a tryst that ended in a storage unit where she eventually gave in to his request to kill and eat him.  Seriously.

There’s a whole lot wrong with this movie.  Everything, really.  If you’re going to sell a story that is so far beyond the pale, you need some strong acting – which this film does not have.  If you’re going to paint Adam’s awkward and uncomfortable  youth so the viewer can at least SORT OF understand where he’s coming from, you need more strong acting – which this movie still doesn’t have.  Even the secondary characters in the film are all awful.  Think about that statement for a second?  When is the last time that you watched a movie and actually noticed that “Cop #2” sucked?  That’s how bad this is.

What this movie DOES have is every trick that a first year film student learns to make their films look artistic.  Grainy stock for (inconsistent) use in flashbacks?  Check.  Distorted sound and video to create a dream/fantasy/nightmare environment for the viewer?  Check.  Bible quotes used to fade in and out of sequences? Check.  Lots of frolicking on the beach and other gentle flashbacks to show how in love our young couple was?  Double and triple check (especially since it was the same footage being recycled over and over throughout the film).  If any of it worked at all, I stopped noticing because it was all done every few minutes, with the same bad acting and the same disjointed scenes and minimalist dialog.  The ending would have been completely unsatisfying as well, if it weren’t for the great satisfaction of knowing that the film was finally over.


Stars: 0/5



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