The Thing Below

The Thing Below

The Thing Below (2004)

Workers on an oil rig unleash a creature from the ocean’s depths.  When a science team is dispatched to investigate, they find a trail of mind-twisting carnage and must fight for their own survival, as well as the planet’s.

Upon realizing that workers at a deep sea oil rig have discovered a new form of life, the government sends a team of scientists to investigate.  After losing communication with the team, it becomes a race to either discover what went wrong or cover the whole episode up.  Meanwhile, in the middle of the ocean, the team finds themselves facing an ancient evil that can read their minds and use their deepest fears against them or their wildest fantasies to trap them.

That’s more or less what this movie is about.  It’s not entirely clear and there seem to be times during the film that the writers forgot the plot.  Sometimes it’s an oil rig, sometimes it’s a science lab.  The team heading to the location is either a rescue team, a science team (despite a distinct lack of scientists), or – I don’t know, the second shift for the oil rig.  Basically, there’s nothing here that makes sense.  The monster from under the ocean is from outer space and was apparently trapped for millions of years …despite possibly having the ability to create portals to other worlds (again, not sure – as this just sort of randomly happens at one point without explanation).  Its mind reading abilities are basically a way for the writers to interject gratuitous fantasy scenes that would otherwise make no sense in such a way that they still make no sense.  The characters are all “quirky”, which is a way writers try to bring their characters to life – here, it’s comic relief as the characters become caricatures of themselves, not that it’s easy to notice something that minor in the face of so much other awfulness.  Finally, while it may seem a petty complaint, the CGI is distractingly bad.  Like seriously, horribly terribad – the average Syfy movie, or even a good number of homemade YouTube videos, would be far superior.

There aren’t many films which don’t have a single redeeming feature, but this is one of them.  Deep six this thing and move on.

 

Stars: 0/5

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